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Over the past few months, Republicans in Congress have bravely taken on President Trump by using some of the toughest adjectives they remember from their SAT workbook.
Sure, they could theoretically take "real" action by demanding his tax returns, challenging him on his non-divestment from his businesses, or not voting for his dangerously under-qualified appointees. But why act, when you can instead vote for his entire agenda and make your meek disapproval known by bitching to Chuck Schumer in the locker room or posting Bible-based subtweets? (We see you, Marco Rubio.)
If they don’t stand up for tax cuts for the 1 percent, who will?
Below is a list of standard rebuttals Republicans like to use when they’re in the mood for pretending like they’re still a check on the president’s power.
Be forewarned: some of the adjectives you may read are mildly sassy. They are not intended for general audiences. But don’t worry, none of them will cause any lasting change to Trump’s behavior.
Level 1: Mild
Big boy rebuttals for when Trump does something grotesquely horrible on a human level, though not necessarily unconstitutional.
"Implementing guidance is needed"
"New at this"
"Could do with a little less drama"
"Not properly scrutinized"
"Doesn’t improve the . . . civility of the debate"
"Did have a bad two weeks"
"Wouldn’t use the term witch hunt"
"I don’t know"
Level 2: Moderate
Spicy lil’ comebacks for when President Trump does something very likely to be unconstitutional, but which can only be discovered with a proper investigation.
"Raises some questions"
"Become an issue"
"Don’t see that as an appropriate comment"
"Is a non-starter"
Level 3: Severe
Tough guy responses for when President Trump does something definitely disgusting and easily constitutional … but you still kinda want him to sign your bill.
"Have serious concerns"
Level 4: ALERT. ALERT. ALERT.
When President Trump suddenly puts Western Civilization in grave danger.